I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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