I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
