I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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