I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Randomize
