I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
