I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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