Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
