i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
