I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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