Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm at about main and main street
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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