she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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