I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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