Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
