I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Ketchup is God's man juice
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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