We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
