No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
