the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
My cat gives me a boner
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I currently don't understand fingers.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
