I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
