Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
tell me about the fingering
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