also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
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