I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
