You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
