The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
