I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Well I just put wine in my tea
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
