I looked at my own cervix.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
