Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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