Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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