He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
