we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
