I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
