I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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