Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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