worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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