I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
