So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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