It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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