youre lurking in front of me
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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