2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
