I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
