somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
