Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
