I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
