I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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