god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
