out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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