Sorry, I don't speak sober.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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