Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
