I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
the condom got lost in my hair
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
