Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
ugly people sure do ruin things
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
