what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
