Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
