You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
