If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Randomize
