you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
