My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
